every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
