Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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