fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
