How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
