smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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