So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
