It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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