he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
