Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
