The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize