He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
