Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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