Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize