Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
