My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
