I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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