remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
