i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
