I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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