the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
