Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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