We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize