I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
