Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
