1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
