I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
