Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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