I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize