So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
