Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
