She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
