Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
