I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love having hate sex.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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