I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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