I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I love having hate sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
