dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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