i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
