remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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