I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
