omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Operation Purity has been aborted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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