is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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