so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
