dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
