the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
