Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
