Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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