8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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