Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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