Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
