Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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