I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
