1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
