She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
