My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
