Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
