I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
