Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
