Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
