i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
