It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
