i just had sex bonerless
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
