If that was your dad, he is hot
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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