I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
