did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
