I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
