I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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