How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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