i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
