oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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