I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
