I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
