If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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